She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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