Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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