There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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