You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
