I'm really into asian looking animals
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
