I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
