my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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