After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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