The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
