In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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