I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
