My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
