We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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