He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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