My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
