I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
