I just pynch a tree in the face
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
