Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
