About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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