Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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