i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
