either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
