all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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