I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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