Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk is not a location!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
