WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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