Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
