I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
