he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
