You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
