I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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