You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
