i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
