The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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