There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize