It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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