I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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