i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
