'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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