Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
