yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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