does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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