She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What a dumb baby whore.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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