Im at strip club and am horny
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
