im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
