what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
