Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
