It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
