I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize