Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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