Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
