i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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