I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
