Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
