If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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