New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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