So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
