so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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