she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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