you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
