wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
