Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
