I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just pee around me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
