the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
