Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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