i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
