So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
