the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
