Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
