Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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