And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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