We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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