Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
