I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
