She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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