I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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