We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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