1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
