peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
