I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
