ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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