They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
